I have such mixed feelings about my parents but I do acknowledge that most of the time they did their best. They lived through all my sister’s mental health crises and then they had to start all over again with mine. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for them. Unfortunately my sister did not survive, she took her life when she was 22. It was 1964 and I was 13. After her suicide it took about a year until I started to unravel. I had my first dissociative episode when I was 8 so I had known for a number of years that there was something wrong with me. I never said anything to anybody since at that time my sister was was experiencing multiple crises and she took priority. After she died though, I have to give them credit, they did everything they could to make sure I survived…and now at the ripe old age of 75…I appreciate them for what they did for me.
Thank you for trusting us with this. I am so deeply sorry about your sister, and for the young girl who learned to carry her own struggles quietly because there was already so much pain in your family. I was especially moved by your ability to hold compassion for your parents without erasing your own experience. That kind of both/and wisdom is hard won. Thank you for adding your voice here....
I didn’t even make it to the end of the essay before i had to come here to comment. Somehow you manifest my experience in words. Thank you. It is so emotional to read your work because i relate so deeply. My son was homeless and lost in psychosis. It took a year to get him tx and housing. And then once he was hospitalized, i had a psychotic break and nervous breakdown from the accumulated stress.
Thank you for sharing this... I am so sorry you and your son had to endure so much. What you said about breaking down after he finally received treatment is exactly what so many people do not understand. Sometimes the caregiver’s body holds until it no longer has to, and then everything comes crashing through. I am grateful the essay helped you feel seen. Sending love to you both.
Really important. May all the mothers in the front lines of such a crisis find each other for strength and solidarity!
Thank you for reading and supporting the caregivers!
I have such mixed feelings about my parents but I do acknowledge that most of the time they did their best. They lived through all my sister’s mental health crises and then they had to start all over again with mine. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for them. Unfortunately my sister did not survive, she took her life when she was 22. It was 1964 and I was 13. After her suicide it took about a year until I started to unravel. I had my first dissociative episode when I was 8 so I had known for a number of years that there was something wrong with me. I never said anything to anybody since at that time my sister was was experiencing multiple crises and she took priority. After she died though, I have to give them credit, they did everything they could to make sure I survived…and now at the ripe old age of 75…I appreciate them for what they did for me.
Thank you for trusting us with this. I am so deeply sorry about your sister, and for the young girl who learned to carry her own struggles quietly because there was already so much pain in your family. I was especially moved by your ability to hold compassion for your parents without erasing your own experience. That kind of both/and wisdom is hard won. Thank you for adding your voice here....
I didn’t even make it to the end of the essay before i had to come here to comment. Somehow you manifest my experience in words. Thank you. It is so emotional to read your work because i relate so deeply. My son was homeless and lost in psychosis. It took a year to get him tx and housing. And then once he was hospitalized, i had a psychotic break and nervous breakdown from the accumulated stress.
Thank you for sharing this... I am so sorry you and your son had to endure so much. What you said about breaking down after he finally received treatment is exactly what so many people do not understand. Sometimes the caregiver’s body holds until it no longer has to, and then everything comes crashing through. I am grateful the essay helped you feel seen. Sending love to you both.